Sunday, February 21, 2010

No Big Deal

 It shouldn't have been a big deal. I made it a big deal.

I went to the store three days earlier and thought "I'll get a frozen lasagna. We haven't had one in months and its one of my son's favorites."

Another thought, during the same trip, to the same store, standing in the same aisle was "I'll get a frozen pie crust and vanilla ice cream to make a blueberry pie. I've never made one but Preacha Man bought frozen blueberries the other day, out of the blue (haha) and a pie sounds good."

So it wasn't a big deal. It was only three days after the trip to the store.

"You know the Murphy's will be here at noon."

What I heard him say was, "This minister and his family are coming for a spectacular lunch to glean from our example and wisdom, and whether or not they succeed in ministry or as a family is completely dependent on you and your luncheon."

Now obviously that is not what he said or anywhere near what he meant but this crazy beast-woman was released as I turned to my husband and said "WHAT?!"

He had no idea what nerve he struck or what button he pushed but he made the only logical choice: retreat.

"Nevermind, dear. Calm down, down I say. What was I thinking? I'll take care of everything. Here, gnaw on this meat bone."

"When did you plan this soiree' (I use French words when I'm really out of control) and when were you planning to tell me, 'au voir'?"

He picked up a small wooden chair with one hand and a whip with the other as he carefully came towards me.

"This was your idea. I invited them two weeks ago and reminded you yesterday. Don't you remember?"

He spoke those last three words very slowly as if I suddenly didn't remember the English language and saying the words slowly would help to interpret what he meant.

My attention was diverted from him as I scanned my memory until I recalled that significant moment. But while my attention was diverted he made his escape and grabbed the can of lemon flavored spray and proceeded to dust furniture. Alas he wasn't quick enough and I prepared to pounce upon my innocent victim when he commanded "Stop!"

I paused, but we could both hear the low, gutteral growl coming from a place I know not.

"I'll take care of it. Go get lunch ready and I'll straighten the house."

I pounced. Not literally but figuratively. I lunged past him into the next nearest alcove. After a quiet moment or two I heard the door squeak as someone cautiously pushed it open. I turned my head, looked back at him with beady eyes.

"Wh..what are...you...doing?" he asked.

"What does it look I'm doing?" I growled.

"It looks like you're cleaning the bathtub."

"I AM cleaning the bathtub!"

"I hate to disturb you," he was treading gingerly, "but they're only coming for lunch. I don't think they're going to want to bathe."

"I KNOW!" I think drool flew from the corners of my mouth as I jerked my head back and scrubbed the porcelain back to its original powdered form.

"I'm calling them and telling them not to come."

That was my voice. Hubby's head popped back into the bathroom with unabashed bravery.

"No, you're not. We are having lunch for them."

Then in a rare moment of defiance I picked up my phone and dialed the number. I hung up before it was answered.

Here's where I would like to say I prayed and repented and pulled myself together and we had a glorious time and the family's ministry is stronger than ever, thanks to my turn-around, but that's not how I remember it.

I remember praying "Help me, God...NOW!" and repentance was more like: "I'll deal with this later."

I thanked God for frozen lasagna, prepacked salad, and frozen piecrusts.

While the lasagna and the pie were baking I stepped outside to sweep the carport and all I could hear was his thoughtful words, "I don't they're going to bathe." And I giggled. Then I guffawed! (if you've never guffawed you need to try it...very cleansing!)I was outside, alone, laughing so hard it echoed, until tears were streaming down my cheeks and it was all I could do to compose myself.

My husband and I were reconciled after I got a phone call from our guest.

"I saw where you had called. Is everything okay."

"Oh sure. Just making sure y'all are still coming."

"We'll be there in ten."

It was the best blueberry pie EVER!

6 comments:

  1. that is so funny! I have alwasy been perplexed at what your primary temperament type is, but through these stories I am getting a clearer picture and answer. I won't tell you what I think it is, because you wouldn't want to be boxed in....which is another indicator of what I think it is. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hello! Thanks for visiting my blog. We have much in common - both married 22 years and 4 kids. I look forward to getting to know you better as I follow your blog!

    ReplyDelete
  3. what pressure! it's always intmidating having preachers and in laws for dinner, haha. glad it all turned out great. :D

    ReplyDelete
  4. I do,on occasion guffaw. I've even been known to chortle.

    ReplyDelete
  5. awesome post. i have never guffawed. should i eat more prunes?

    also. i would have scrubbed the bathtub, too. it's only logical.

    ReplyDelete
  6. awesome post. i have never guffawed. should i eat more prunes?

    also. i would have cleaned the bathtub too. it's only logical.

    ReplyDelete

"Thank you, and do come back now, ya heah?"
(No she didn't...yes she did.)