Thursday, March 4, 2010

Brave at Heart

This post is lovingly dedicated to my nephew Aaron who turns 25 today, leaves tomorrow for his third tour of duty in Iraq and named his youngest son William Wallace.
Godspeed, Aaron.

"I heard a noise."   I shook my husband awake.

"I heard a noise, too," he mumbled.

"What did you hear?"

"You waking me up! Go back to sleep."

I shook him harder. "Seriously, I heard something."

"Well, go check it out," he mumbled again.

"But you're the man. You're supposed to protect me."

"I don't want to get shot either!"

"Stop yelling," I reasoned "You're going to scare them away."

"Isn't that the point?" he asked.  "Ssshhh! I do hear something!"

"Do you think its burglars?"

"They're going to be disappointed."

He finally got out of the bed, stepping somewhat softly. He reached for his rubber boots.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I don't want to step in anything."

"What do you think you're going to step in?"

"I don't know", he replied. "Hand me the umbrella."

"Its not raining."

"I need a weapon. Hand me the umbrella."

I did.   He opened the door slowly. The noise grew exceedingly louder. I heard him tiptoe down the hall. I tiptoed to the door of the bedroom. He turned around and saw me lurking around the doorway. He screamed and pointed the umbrella at me! I screamed and backed into the bedroom.

"What are you doing?" he cried. (Not literally.) I told you to wait here."

"No you didn't."

"Well, wait HERE!"

"What are you going to do with the umbrella?"

"I don't know yet!  The noise is coming from the bathroom."

"Strangers in my bathroom? Why? I haven't cleaned it in..."

"Shut UP!"  Please understand we do NOT condone saying 'shut up' anymore than the next guy but when someone is invading your privacy, particularly your bathroom, you have to get your point across.

I feigned hurt feelings. 

"I'm sorry but you woke me up to take care of this so let me handle it!" 

I Prince.

He put his ear against the bathroom door. "Those filthy rats!"

"They're using the bathroom!? Do you think they'll put the seat down?"

"No, its filthy rats. Sounds like half a dozen!"

"Just because I haven't cleaned in a while doesn't mean..."

"Stay HERE!  I'm going in. Give me the flashlight. I don't want to turn the light on."

"Why not? Won't that scare them away?"

He opened the door quickly, ran in and shut it behind him. Then all I could hear was lots of bumping, jumping, scratching. Then I heard a little girl scream. I ran to my daughter's room and peeked in. Sound asleep. Maybe it was one of the boys. Nope they were asleep as well.

I knocked on the door. "Everything okay?"

"Uh, yeah. They're gone."

I opened the door to find my husband, in his gym shorts, wearing rubber galoshes, standing on the side of the bathtub, still waving an umbrella in one hand and holding a flashlight in the other.

"I heard a little girl scream."

"That might have been me, " he confessed.

I didn't want to laugh. I didn't mean to laugh. I tried really, really hard not to laugh. But I did.
Fortunately my husband has an incredible sense of humor and laughed with me...sometime a month later.


  1. What a great blog-name! Thanks so much for stopping my blog yesterday for my SITS day. If you liked the look of my "sink hole pie", go back now and get the recipe (


  2. hahahaahah. seriously. i think i laugh the most when i read your blog.

    also. an umbrella is the perfect weapon. in case the assailant decides to spit on you.

    my husband has never screamed like a girl. well. except that one time when i had just gotten my hot wax and i wanted to try it out... on him. i'm not allowed to talk about it.

  3. You just painted the most hilarious picture for me. Thanks for the laugh :)

  4. Laughing right now with tears...Hilarious..If you want to laugh as well go check out what I posted earlier titled "Only a man would try this" or something like will laugh w/tears...thanks for making me smile..God bless and have I told you lately I love your blog? Oh yeah, I did that last time I read your blog...oh well I do love it!

  5. LOVED this story!!
    So cute ;-)

    I LOVE your blog and am signing up to follow.
    Thanks so much for your comments on my blog. I posted one today about our women's bible study... the Beth Moore one :) I hope you will stop by and read it!

  6. Loved the story...I can just see him now. Not sure I will be able to keep a straight face on Sunday. Does he really scream like a girl? This is just to good. Have a great day.

  7. At least he got up. My DH sleeps through EVERYTHING. And since I'm a light sleeper it's usually me that investigates the strange bumps in the night. Your DH would be proud to know I've carried a remote with me before. As if...

  8. You are flippin' hilarious!

  9. This made me laugh out loud!

    Coming at you through Leigh's

  10. Oh Aunt Dixie, your too funny! BTW Aaron is in Afghanistan not Iraq :)

  11. :) This made me smile!

    Popping in from SITS - Happy Saturday!!

  12. Ahaha hilarious! I always have to talk my husband into protecting us from home invaders too! Maybe it's because I'm convinced someone's breaking in at least once a week! hmm

    Swinging by from SITS!


"Thank you, and do come back now, ya heah?"
(No she didn't...yes she did.)