Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Hide the Pencils!

I don't usually consider my nine year old to be particularly cautious. I mean he's not like one older brother who once tied his friend to a golf cart so he could hoist him up a tree (this did not end well). My nine year old would probably never race someone down a steep incline on skateboards (this ended worse), as this same brother did.

He is most certainly like his other brother who considers walking outside a risky venture. But still, he doesn't often express his concerns, or that he's worried about anything. He is generally a funny, easy-going kid. Which is why this conversation, actually it was more like a monologue, was so amusing. I don't think he was being totally serious, he was more on a rampage.

"Mom, school is very dangerous. I'm not sure I should be going anymore. Its very dangerous!" (I try to interject things like "oh my goodness", "is everything okay?" "are you being bullied?" etc. but he doesn't even pause to give me time to breathe much less interrupt him!)

"Let's start with pencils!" (Huh? I think.) "Pencils are very dangerous. The other day this kid was handing me a pencil but I received it incorrectly (his words exactly) and it jabbed into my hand and it really hurt but its okay now but pencils are still dangerous to have in school."  At this point he goes into great detail about how often he has "received pencils incorrectly".

"And spiral notebooks, you know Mom, the kind with the wires coming out? (I nod my head affirmatively) They are way too dangerous to have at school. Sometimes the wires start coming out and I have gotten them stuck in my butt (I didn't even have a chance to remind him that we don't say butt) like five times! " Again, more detail but I was distracted by Journey singing "Don't Stop Believing" on my oldies (kidding me?) station. I hear nothing else when Journey comes on. That's just how it is.

"And don't even get me started on how dangerous the playgrounds are! (his words...) I got my nose kicked by this kid who was swinging on the monkey bars. (A look of shock sincerely washed over my face but he didn't pause for me to ask more questions.) It didn't bleed but it hurt for a LONG time. Maybe we shouldn't have monkey bars at the school, or at least they should give us helmets to wear to protect us! (That comment made me start thinking, 'this kid is messing with me.' )"

"Mom, even the library is dangerous! (okay, now I'm convinced he's on a roll to see how far his mom will let this go on so I let him continue. We're both smirking a little.) One of my favorite books in the library is "Ripley's Believe It or Not" except for this one page that shows the ladies eyes bulging out. I just hate that, Mom! Its scares me when I see it. When I flip through the book I try really hard not to see that page so I close my eyes when I turn the pages. The other day I opened it randomly so I wouldn't see her and BAM! (his words again) I opened right to that page! That was the page I did NOT want to see, Mom! I might have nightmares."

I'm beginning to giggle.  "Don't run with scissors! How many times have we heard that? But there are still kids at school who run with scissors! Can you believe it? Its like they don't care who they hurt! What if one of them runs into me and accidently stabs me with a pair of scissors? I'm telling you, school is too dangerous."

"Have a great day, honey! (he exits...still talking...) I love you! Be careful!"

He shuts the door, "Mom, I could get hit by a bus!" (There are no busses near the car drop-off.)

"Lord, watch after these funny, beautiful kids of mine." Amen.


  1. Stopping by from SITS --- Love this post! Wish I had thought of some of those arguments when I was in school ;-) Although, I did accidentally get stabbed with a pencil as a teenager and still have the point in my leg... good news, since they're not made out of lead anymore, its ok (thank you dr. whoever-who-thought-that-was-a-good-plan) ;-)

    Please visit me at http://lifeforward.onsugar.com

    Happy day!

  2. I can vouch for pencil danger. I sat down on a pencil after Girl Scouts a few decades ago, and I still have the lead in my butt, er, backside.

    It may have affected my brain function.

    It didn't hurt my appetite, though.


  3. Oh my. He is way too cute! I am cracking up! So Journey is considered an oldie? No...how can it be?

    We try not to say "butt" either. Instead my son is always referring to his "biscuits".

    Thanks for the laughs; I hope you have a super day.

  4. I like your kid, he's going to go places. But not without a helmet and safety scissors... :-) Thanks for your comment -- and I LOVED your caption for Leigh's picture! :-D

  5. Oh! How can you send him to such a dangerous place! Love his debating skills!

  6. He is hilarious! Smart little cookie.

  7. My cousin stuck a pencil in his ear and poped his ear drum. I think your son and my son could possible be twins with how they are. LOL

  8. He's good. Wonder where he gets his sense of humor. . . :)

    Have a great day.

  9. He sounds endlessly entertaining!

  10. Too Cute:) Love your post~

  11. Things that make you go HMMMM

  12. You know, he does make some valid points...when I was around 9 I got stabbed in the hand by a pencil, and it was not pretty. I had a scar for quite a while from that, the lead from the pencil made a kind of tattoo in my palm that took years to go away!

  13. Oh my! He's too funny and speaks the truth :) In high school a kid in my class stuck one of those metal wires through his hand...in the bottom and out the top...and not through the webby part of the fingers either, there was some meat there! *blech* anywhoooooo, you've got to get this boy on a debate team! for reals!

  14. Oh man, once, in like, 2nd grade, this boy was playing with a pencil...INCORRECTLY...and it got jammed up his nose.

    I know. This is not what you want to hear.

    Also, I wet my pants that same year and had to wear boys underwear the rest of day.

    I'm scarred for life.

    but the twitch is better.


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